


Concealment of Pain

by little_shinra



Series: Shukita Week 2019 [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autism Spectrum, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Injury Recovery, M/M, Neurodiversity, Psychological Trauma, Shukita Week 2019, Trauma, spoilers for November
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-11-24 00:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18159065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_shinra/pseuds/little_shinra
Summary: The plan has been successful. A cause of celebration. And yet a bodily cold grips Pego's heart.Day 1 of Shukita Week 2019: Comfort





	Concealment of Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Color me surprised that there's actual autism tags on AO3.
> 
> The event is here and I am ready to crash as I type this out. The Protag goes by his fandom name, Pego, and is written with the headcanon he's autistic (along with a couple others, heh heh). This was one of two ideas I had for this headcanon, so I'm writing them out for this event. Hope you all enjoy.
> 
> Spoilers for November events in-game.

_It's so cold._

Pego let a chill go through him like a series of waves. His body has felt exceptionally prone to chills since his escape from the police, barely retaining heat despite his attempts. It brought back memories of his trial earlier in the year. He'd been afflicted by this bodily cold then. Pego made a mental note to wear more layers and search for a hot water bottle tonight, then brought his attention back to the bathroom mirror.

Open on the sink was his hastily put together make up bag. Tubes of concealer, mineral powder, brushes, complexion correction cream, and a package of make-up wipes filled it. His glasses were folded next to it.

In the mirror was the reflection of the self he prepped for the PT meeting earlier that evening. To minimize the shock and anger that would inevitably spread the moment the others saw the harm done to him in full force. Even at Sojiro’s, he made the measure to keep it up for Futaba’s sake. Pego wasn’t good with handling the situations that involved having to explain an injury and not making the reaction of others worse in the process. It was easier to shrug it off, minimize the extent it had on him. Then it would bring the others relief and he could get on with the next thing on hand.

And it worked. Like it always had.

First, Pego removed the bandage on his cheek that covered to cut bruise he couldn’t conceal. It looked less red and angry than it did the first day. He tossed it into the garbage. Wiping the wet wipe across his face, the even skin gave way to yellow and purple bruising under his eyes.

Holding the glasses up, he inspected the splits on his lips through the lens. They still stung and began to bleed when he stretched them in a smile. He quickly cleaned the area. He applied first aid cream across the whole area, then ran a tube of lip balm over to keep the dry skin at bay, especially with this dry, winter weather.

Three used wipes in the trash and Pego splashes water and soap over his face. Majority of his face stung from the exposure and Pego hissed at the feel of the towel grating the cut bruise.

_I should put some ice on this before I go to sleep._

Slipping the glasses fully on, he opened the bathroom door to retrieve said ice from the kitchen. Then he saw the feet of someone in front of him. Startled, he faced forward, and his heart sank at the expression on Yusuke's face.

Yusuke dropped his bag to the floor. The sound landed more loudly in Pego's ears than he normally processed. Without speaking, Yusuke's fingers traced above the bruises, over his cheeks, falling to what peeked out his neck. His eyes fell on Pego’s hands, taking one and pushing back the sleeve, revealing the angry red bands from where the handcuffs dug into Pego's skin. His breathing quickened.

Pego hastily added, “I didn't want you to worry!”

Yusuke wrapped the hand between his, resting his forehead on them. A myriad of dark emotions started to form in his chest.

 _How could they do this?_ Yusuke thought. _How could adults, especially ones meant to protect others, be so cruel?_

Sure, he never looked to them highly, but in the back of his mind, he expected better, even dared to entertain there was more good people out there than there was corrupted and filthy.

Yusuke’s hands tightened. Pego patted Yusuke on the head, putting on a smile to comfort him. ~~~~

“It's not that bad. They'll go away soon,” he said

Yusuke shook his head, the mental darkness receding. “There's no need to comfort me.”

Pego ran his fingers through Yusuke's hair, teasing with the ends.

“Why'd you stay behind?” Pego asked.

“I wanted to speak with you, alone. About what we were going to do while you're hiding.”

“With what?”

“For us. But... I didn't realize...”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

Yusuke released Pego’s hand, bringing his injured wrists to view. “There’s nothing _fine_ about this.”

“Looks worse than it feels. I’ve been nursing it.” When Yusuke didn’t relax, Pego added, “I don’t need a hospital.”

Yusuke held his stare, making Pego avert his gaze. Staring into the eyes was always a challenge. Felt too exposing. Pego felt a twinge of envy at Yusuke’s ability to maintain it. Then Yusuke gave a resigned sigh. “If you insist.”

Pego freed his wrists and held his arms out, his open invitation for affection. Yusuke hoisted Pego up in his arms, their chests flush against one another.

Ah, this was what he needed. Warmth. Pego could feel the chronic chill melt away, powerless against the feel of Yusuke's toned arms holding him up on his back.

“I want to stay like this forever,” he mumbled.

“I don't think anyone would want to keep a battered body for eternity.”

Pego nuzzled his nose into the curve of Yusuke's neck. “Keep me warm, please. It feels like my own body again.”

“Certainly.”

“You can stay too. I won’t mind.”

“I still have school to attend tomorrow.”

“Play hooky.”

“And I need my things if I’m going to stay.”

“I still have your emergency kit.”

It was true. When Yusuke stayed with him during the Madarame case, Pego helped him put together a kit of sorts with his necessities just in case things took a turn for the worse and Yusuke had to uproot himself. It ended up unused for that purpose, relegated for impromptu sleepovers and late visits.

Yusuke let out an amused chuckle, running his hand over Pego’s back. “You’re very persistent when you want to be.”

“If it works, why change it?” Pego pulled back and pecked him on the cheek. His lips curled up to a cheeky smile. He suppressed a flinch at the sting of the cuts. “Please stay. Keep me warm.”

Yusuke carefully ran his thumb on Pego’s chin, under the split lips.

“Alright then,” he relented. “If my warmth will sooth you, then I’d be glad to give it all to you.”

Pego chuckled to himself. What deed did he commit to deserve Yusuke in his life?

Coming to Tokyo, even back home at his old school, he had to choose not to put effort into romantic relationships. He felt it would be best not to get his hopes up. Then the situation with Shido happened and Pego was grateful to his past self for deciding that path. No sense to wish what society will take away, given Pego being the way he is at the very least.

The sore injuries in Pego’s torso began to smart, forcing him to remove his arms from Yusuke’s shoulders.

“Should get some ice for my face. I’ll see you upstairs.”

Yusuke touched the bruised skin, trailing his fingers down to his neck. Pego placed his hand over Yusuke’s.

“Yes, that would be wise,” Yusuke said. “I’ll see you there.”

A smile slipped through before he pulled away, their hands squeezing together till Yusuke started upstairs. Pego waited till Yusuke passed the threshold at the top of the stairs before slipping into the kitchen.

In the bottom freezer drawer, Pego scooped handfuls of ice into a blue ice bag and screwed the cap on. Peeking back to the corner where the bathroom was, Pego turned away and lifted his shirt up, noting the bruised flesh of his torso. It reminded him of the abandoned withering fruit he’d sometimes see in the trees during spring. Takemi had given them her inspection. The only important thing he knew was there was no broken bones or any dire damage, by some miracle. No need for a hospital (which she gave with caution), just a lot of rest and minimizing exercise as his body recovered. Simply knowing he didn't have to be committed was a great relief. Pego didn't want to be near any needles for as long as he could help it.

He snuck back into the bathroom, where his pajamas sat on the closed toilet lid. Pego still fidgeted at the idea of letting Yusuke see even _more_ of the bruises scattered on him. He changed into them, folding up his uniform. He won’t be needing it for a while. Pego checked the state of the cuts on his face, applying first aid cream on the cut bruise and a fresh bandage over it before taking one final look at the mirror.

Seeing the evidence of that room sent the chill back through his body. He could place the source of each bruise into list: a shoe, being thrown to the floor, a fist, the digging of the tight handcuffs. The needles, the ice water that shocked his nerves. Pego could feel the attacks replay in his mind, sending the memory of the blows to those impact sites on his body. His body felt so small and distant, like a shrinking of his veins from his limbs. A trapped rag doll at the whims of feisty children.

Pego hugged himself, shivering. His head felt light as he breathed in short bursts.

_So cold…_

Something shifted in his reflection.

“Pego?” Yusuke called down. Pego’s heart almost jumped out his throat. He gripped the edges of the sink, feeling the smooth porcelain against his nails, pulling himself back into place. The numbness hung on his fingers.

Pego’s voice came out raspier than he wanted. “Coming!”

Pego shut the light off before he could see into the mirror again, grabbing his uniform and make up bag in the near darkness.

When Pego got back up the stairs, ice bag over his cheek, Yusuke was in the bed, reading and texting on his phone. He was already in his pjs. Discarding the uniform and make up bag on the small couch, Pego stood by the edge of the bed, shifting the ice bag along his shoulder. He remembered the light and reach for the switch, plunging the room in darkness, save for the glow of Yusuke’s screen. After another minute of typing, Yusuke looked up at him.

“I’m letting Futaba know I’m staying the night. She says she’ll let Sakura-san know. And that we behave. I hardly see how now would be the ideal time for such things, if that’s what she’s implying.”

Smothering a laugh, Pego crawled under the blanket and into Yusuke’s side. One of the bruises on his side pinched at him for the position, forcing him to roll onto his stomach instead. Pego set the ice bag aside and removed his glasses, the vision up to his fingers returning to a blurred haze. He brought his arm above Yusuke’s shoulder, hugging it around his head. He shifted a little more to find a sweet spot, finally moving to his back and leading Yusuke to his side, an arm still looped under his head. Pego knew how much Yusuke would fuss in his sleep if something weighed on his upper back, so he kept his arm rested on the bed. Yusuke pressed his hand against Pego’s chest, feeling the pulsing heartbeat against his fingers.

“Comfortable?” Pego asked.

“Yes, very much so. I’m not hurting you anywhere, am I?”

“No,” Pego didn’t want to move, regardless of some of the tenderness that still slipped past Tae’s medication.

“I noticed Morgana isn’t here. Is he with Futaba and Sakura-san?”

“Yeah. I asked for alone time.”

“Oh,” Yusuke sounded almost wilted. “My apologies for intruding.”

Pego patted Yusuke’s head. “I’m happy you’re here. It keeps the cold away. Despite your affinity in the Metaverse.”

Yusuke hummed. “I’m glad.”

“Wish I could keep you here and stay like this,” he leaned down and kissed Yusuke’s forehead. “For as long as it takes and more.”

“Unfortunately, reality is not so kind. Other affairs need to be tended to first.”

Pego made a sound of acknowledgement. Then the quiet settled in. He looked at the plastic glowing stars on the ceiling as his eyes adjusted, recounting their visits to the planetarium. During the summer, he was so nervous about going. He didn’t know what to expect when Yusuke asked him to join. And then he went and basically blabbered his feelings to Yusuke. They both ended up red in the face by the end of the confession. It was so embarrassing to remember, yet it’s one of Pego’s most relieving memories. One he chose to withhold from Sae in that room to preserve it, to keep himself intact while under the sludge of the drugs.

_The yellow-green glow of the stars are so pretty._

Pego almost dozed off when Yusuke spoke again.

“When I can, I’ll visit and keep you company,” Yusuke rubbed his hand over his chest. “And Pego?”

He let out a yawn. “Mmm?”

“You have done so much for me in these past few months. You’ve opened my eyes to things I chose to avert and blind myself. You bring me so much joy. You’ve allowed me to come to you when I was feeling lost. Now, let me do the same. If you ever fall, know that I will help you back up.”

Pego felt his heart aching and a lump form in his throat. He tightened his arms around Yusuke.

 _Seriously,_ what _did I do to deserve you?_

Hot tears spilled down into his hairline. A gasping sob slipped out and Yusuke was upright on the bed.

“Are you hurting? Should I get off?” Yusuke worried.

Pego shook his head. He wiped his hands over his eyes in an attempt to remove the tears. More took their place, wetting his face. “You’re too damn nice! I don’t know what to do when you do this!”

Yusuke was confused. “You want me to be less kind?”

Pego grabbed him by the shoulders and laughed. “No! Don’t you ever! I never thought, in my life, I’d have a relationship like this with someone. Because of what I am, how I function, I accepted that romance wasn’t going to be a thing. I was fine with that. Then I met you and, god… The last few months had been terrifying. Because I waited for you to leave and find someone else. I have no idea how to handle your kindness, because I never thought I’d get it. And you were all I thought of while I was in that room, waiting and praying for it to be over. So, I could hold you in my arms again. I still can’t believe this is real, and yet here you are. Still here…”

Pego collapsed back on the bed, exhausted. That was the most he ever had to talk in his life by his own will, on top of crying. The edge of the bandage was damp, and his vision was even worse off. His chest was light and floaty, while his head pounded in his skull.

It was a nice feeling.

Pego curled into Yusuke’s side, burrowing his face into the latter’s shirt.

“I love you, my silly passionate man,” he mumbled. Yusuke’s fingers combed through his hair, slowly running through each curl. A pleasurable shiver ran down Pego’s neck, through his back.

“I love you too. And don’t worry, I won’t abandon you. Just as I know you won’t abandon me. You stick to things to the end,” Yusuke laid down next to him, fingers still moving in his hair. “I didn’t realize that I brought out such an array of emotions. I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m elated you’re safe too. If we had lost you there, I wouldn’t know what to do beyond seeking revenge. I would miss the space you fill in my life. I would want to hurt those that took you away from me.”

Pego gripped Yusuke’s side, eyes peeking out through his hair. He spoke firmly, “Don’t go after them. Don’t taint your hands with their blood. For my sake. Please continue using your hands to create beautiful things. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

Pego burrowed back into Yusuke’s chest. “Sorry for yelling. I think you’re too good for me.”

“You did surprise me there. You usually don’t raise your voice like that. I thought you were angry with me. How are you feeling now?”

“Tired. I’m not fond of crying.”

“I can get you water. It’s not a problem.”

Pego shook his head, rubbing his eyes. “I’m good. Just tired. You should rest too. I worried you all for a long time.”

“It is a relief to have you back,” he combed his fingers through Pego’s hair again, feeing the curls settle back into place. “Good night, Pego. I hope rest will be easy for you, given your injuries.”

He was met with silence. Pego was limp against him, his chest rising slowly and deeply. Yusuke smiled, patting Pego’s head and laying fully back. He circled his arms around Pego, bringing their bodies flush against each other. He counted the glowing stars on the wood rafters as sleep took him in.

-

Pego woke to darkness. His body weighed on him like a bag of Haru’s fertilizer. He grabbed for his phone and held it out to read the time.

[03:47]

He dropped it back down on the bed and rolled over to the window. Yusuke slept soundly next to him. Pego thought back to the meeting the previous evening. How Makoto and the others went into detail of how they laid out the groundwork of the plan to Sae and Sojiro. As much as they praised the success of it and his courage, even with Yusuke’s wish he could see Pego’s triumphant smile…

The whole plan, the entire thing…

It terrified him.

He maintained a stiff upper lip in that room, but his hands shook on the table. The gun pointed at his forehead and he pleaded that the plan worked, that he'd live so he could see Yusuke and everyone. He forced his eyes to stay open.

The trigger was pulled and Pego felt a yelp leave him. Behind his closed eyes, something heavy and wet thudded on the table before he opened them again. His faux self was sprawled, bloodied, on the surface and he watched Akechi slip the gun into its hand and leave. The relieved sigh he let out once he was alone changed into laughter and Pego threw his head back, letting it fill the room.

Talk about a true gamble. He never wanted to do this kind of scheme ever again.

Pego carded his fingers through Yusuke’s hair, pinching the ends of the cowlick on the fringe of his neck. He stroked Yusuke’s cheek, taking in the textile sensation of his significant other’s skin against his. The numbness that hung over him still crept in the tips of his fingers, down his spine, and along his legs and feet. His chest felt at ease among the sheet of cold that room had given him, taking in the sleeping face of an angel whose passion and love of expression would give him his own pair of wings.

Pego loved the thought. The idea that he’d be the one to see this day of flight like he saw at the gallery exhibition of Desire and Hope. A thrill of excitement to lift him to his feet, apart from the darkness that stood nearby to bid its time on him.

Pego didn’t resist the smile growing on his face, ignoring the stings of pain from the cuts on his lips.

 _The new year will be so beautiful. Soon, things are going to be better. No… They_ will _be better._

Pego leaned in, pressing his lips to Yusuke’s.

_I won’t let anything take this away from me. What everyone thinks of people like us, is wrong. We deserve this. We deserve the world._

Pego pulled away, caressing his thumb along Yusuke’s cheekbone, watching the eyelashes flicker in the dim light. He pulled himself closer, bringing his portion of the blanket higher to encase him in the warmth inside.

“’Night, Yusuke. I love you.”


End file.
